Men after divorce often live an invisible life of pain and suffering. The absolute disintegration of their life and identity takes a toll that few people see or want to deal with. Society is happy enough to see and deal with the tears of women, but we seem collectively uncomfortable seeing a man in distress and so ignore it.

To add to this problem, men who are finding it hard to move on from divorce do not actively seek out help from others. Often they feel it will make them look and feel weak and like less of a man.

Here are a few things to point out that men should avoid doing at all costs to improve your chances of living a happier life after divorce.

Do Not Try to Reconcile

The dream for many men is that, at the last minute, you can find some sort of reconciliation with your wife or ex-wife, and the whole horrible experience can be put behind you, and you will start your marriage again with a whole new perspective.

This is a fantasy that men create to avoid dealing with the hard truth of the matter and the difficult task of accepting a divorce and being able to move on. This is denial which we all go through to some degree; getting stuck in this phase is the real danger.

So if you are calling your ex-wife often, begging or pleading, waiting and not doing anything in your life 'just in case' she comes back and other similar things, then you need to stop that and take the first brave step into the unknown. This will bring on a wave of new and often horrible emotions, but you will need to feel them rather than denying them or it becomes worse later.

Do Not Use Children as Game Pieces

This should seem obvious, but when you start getting into tit-for-tat battles with your ex-spouse, you often do not realise just how harmful your actions are to your children (if you have kids). Children are innocent victims of divorce, and while it is often the painful reality that men become isolated from their children because of divorce, no good can come of trying to manipulate them or the situation around them for your own gain.

The best thing you can do is to give them the most stable and loving life possible in this situation. Being a good father is the best thing you can do, even if it is in a limited capacity. Knowing that you are doing the right thing by your children in trying circumstances is also a way to gain more self-respect for yourself, which is an essential part of overcoming issues of self-worth which bring misery to men after divorce.

Do Not Try to Boost Your Self-Esteem

To follow on from the last point is another about your feelings of self-worth. This is at an all-time low in your life after divorce, which leads to a very bad set of actions that too many men take to feel a little better.

What we are talking about are short-term self-esteem-boosting actions that make you feel more powerful, more in control, and more wanted. The problem is that anything done so quickly never lasts long. Alcohol, violence, loose women, drugs, and many other actions that make you feel good for a short time quickly fade, making you feel even worse. In extreme cases, these things become an addiction as you feed your ego over and over again with things that do not nourish it, but instead make it even hungrier!

Winkiworld hopes that this article has been useful to some men after divorce looking for some advice to help them cope. We understand firsthand how unbearable the situation is: the loss of identity, the feelings of emasculation, loss of contact with children, loss of emotional nourishment and the feelings of rage and hopelessness that invade your every day.

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